Beating Instant Gratification: The Cost of Quitting Early

Parents, please don’t fall into the trap of re-enforcing the need for instant gratification that our children are looking for – we need to teach them that working for desired goals is worth it!

Ever since the advent of the microwave, we have become such an instant society. We want things fast, and we want them now. Our children (and us parents, too, if we are being honest!) have become spoiled with how fast we can get things from Instacart, Amazon, and DoorDash. Unfortunately, the non-tangible things in life don’t work that way, at least the good ones that I found. Relationships need time to deepen; academics need time and persistence to excel; soccer, basketball, and golf take many hours on the range, field, or court; art takes many hours of drawing, and learning a musical instrument is no different.

Please don’t let your child quit anything after only a couple of months! No doubt, the material complexity will increase in learning anything worthwhile, and if you let your student quit before they’ve really even started, they are not even giving themselves a fair chance.  

Even still, parents are more likely to pull their children out of music lessons for fear they may kill their child’s love for the art forever. Not true, says psychologist and author Dr. Susan Bartell of New York. As Dr. Susan Bartell explains, “Children often give up quickly when success isn’t easy or immediate. And, because music is just like any other academic subject, some students won’t be successful right from the start. Like in math or science class, children should learn to push past the frustration of not being instantaneously good at something – the reward of success will be much more appreciated once they accomplish their goal!”

Just like learning a language, you would never give yourself just a few months to be fluent. We see this all the time: the newness wears off after a couple of months of lessons, and the going starts to get a little more complex. This is when adults and children alike start to waiver, but it’s truly the time to start pushing through!

Dr. Bartell continues: “If you allow your child to give in to uncomfortable feelings that make him want to quit, you communicate that hard work and perseverance aren’t important. In fact, by not pushing your child, you deny him the opportunity to learn to cope with frustration, and eventually, he will stop trying at anything.”

As a parent, that is a frightening concept to read, and one I know we parents would never knowingly communicate to our children.

As a long-time teacher, I know a good teacher will recognize frustration or pushback and switch gears so that the student starts working for a performance opportunity or a similar sized goal.

So, when your child (or you!) is having a tough time with your music lessons, sports, or academics, please don’t quit! See it as a celebratory event, as you are making headway with getting smarter and stronger!

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